Hi All – sorry for the long break in communication, but I hope this news will be encouraging enough to allow you all to understand the silence since my arrival. To be honest, this year started off very different than the other years where I have been working here, because I felt a real spirit of discouragement, as if working in Sierra Leone wasn’t really my call after all, and I had misinterpreted God’s plans for my life. In order to try and convey why these feelings started, allow me to offer a little bit of background into my first week here – none of these discouragements were even major things,but they all added up to give me a sense that I was missing something.
On my way here, I passed through London and Kenya, and unfortunately I had to pay a fine of $125 for my baggage in Kenya because it was overweight. My Kenyan friend and I were trying to find a way to lower the charge because when you are working with a non-profit organization, you are supposed to receive an extra bag – but as the attendant talked to my friend in Swahili, she said “it doesn’t matter, it seems like this girl has lots of money anyways, doesn’t it?”. I was again reminded of the unfortunate way in which skin colour sometimes denotes wealth and injustice for some people, and it thoroughly upset me that a woman could just assume that I was travelling to Africa with lots of money to spend anywhere I please, as if that was my only purpose in coming.
Despite this experience at the airport, my heart was still excited to return to my “home” in Sierra Leone, and my reunion with one of the scholarship recipients, Saio, at the airport was wonderful and welcoming, a real homecoming – but the usual joy that I have in my heart the moment I step unto the red dirt of this beautiful country was missing. As I called the family I normally stay with in Freetown, I was again discouraged when I heard the news that they had moved to a different part of the country and I would not be able to see them again in the house where I normally stayed in Freetown. Fortunately, my sister Saio had a place on the far side of Freetown, so after taking transport for nearly two hours, we at last settled down with my luggage and everything in her room. I think the constant transport across town over the next few days – two hours to the beach in a hot bus and two hours on the way back – began to wear down my spirit, and by the time I was travelling to Kabala on Tuesday with Rev. John, my heart was thoroughly confused. Sitting in the car with tears streaming down my face, I found myself questioning God and His will for my life – why am I here, Lord? Is this really what you want me to do? Was I just confused...was this never your plan for me at all?
Last Wednesday, my first full day in Kabala, I was feeling sick and throwing up most of the evening, again struggling with God as to why He would bring me here if I was only going to be sick and suffering – couldn’t I be at home with the comfort of my family? Couldn’t I be somewhere else where I would be more effective? Was I really the worthiest and best person for this Foundation – after all, I am only 20, who am I to be the Director of such an NGO?
Thursday morning, I was feeling well enough to travel with the youth to Bendugu, a village about 3 hours away, for a revival program that we were conducting there from Thursday to Sunday – and thank God I was, because my spirit was so renewed and uplifted by the end of the day on Sunday. Thursday and Friday, as we were going house to house and praying for people, I still felt as if I was missing God’s call on my life, as if I had somehow ignored the real plans he had for me. I even felt sickness come back on Saturday, and I was lying down most of the day, questioning what I was doing there and why I couldn’t be back in Canada with my friends and family. I heard all the discouraging words people had said to me in my past flying back into my head, telling me that I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t worthy, I didn’t belong in Africa, I had a confused identity...and yet amidst all this, I got up and decided to try and walk through the village to try and find the youth, who were going from house to house doing evangelism. As I found one group, I sat down with them at the house and listened to them praying for a sick mother and her child, trusting completely in God for her healing, and I was reminded that I can’t do anything on my own – of course I alone am not worthy or able to run this program, that’s why I need the help of friends, family, coworkers, and most importantly, my Lord and Saviour! It was simply incredible to see the way that these youth had grown over one year – some of them had been so quiet, insecure, and bruised last year, yet I witnessed them rising above that this past weekend, praying for others to be healed from sicknesses, walking in unity with each other and holding each other up. It was amazing to see the way the youth in our programs have joined together, caring for each other so completely – their mental and spiritual development since last year is unfathomable. They are now recognizing themselves as valuable jewels who each have their own unique gifts and abilities – how WONDERFUL to see such a miracle take place in such a short time! Needless to say, my spirit of discouragement was quickly leaving.
At the church service the next morning, Rev. John was speaking about how in order to follow God’s call on our life we have to be willing to sacrifice the things we clung to in our life before God. As I looked at the faces of the youth in our mentoring program, I realized I needed to cling to the advice of my own mentor – to put God first and foremost in my life, and not chase after anything else in this world. Even the business of raising money in Canada distracted me from realizing that this ministry is not mine, it’s not even The Foundation’s – if I think of it in those terms, it is an unbearable burden that I could never accomplish even with the help of our amazing board members and team of staff. But this ministry is from God, the author of creation – we couldn’t have raised $20,000 on our own, that’s for sure. So as I recommitted to the call He gave me for this country, as I decided to leave the distractions and chasing after possessions, a busy schedule, awards, scholarships, or even a relationship, I experienced the fullness of joy that only comes from listening to God’s call and obeying.
How amazing it is to be able to be a part of making a difference in the lives of youth in Sierra Leone, and through this ministry, to see a difference being made in my own life! I will share more later on the way our scholarship students have developed and grown over the last year (this is already becoming a bit of an essay!), but for now, just know that investing in education is never a waste! Seeing the way these students are full of life and ambition, and how they are confident in their own value, their plans and the plans God has for them after just one year in college is simply unfathomable. Praise the Lord – God is moving. From discouragement to encouragement, from low to high, God has brought me through the trials and struggles that this ministry brings, and I am now more ready and willing than ever to work to create change in this beautiful country. Our first non-staff volunteer, Haley Howe, will be arriving in Sierra Leone on Friday, and I am looking forward to working with her and seeing what she can bring to this program, and what it can bring to her in return! Thank you all for your love, prayers, and thoughts – they are needed and felt! Stay tuned –Krissi
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